Do you feel that you are competing with every other doula for clients? “There’s not enough for me and for everyone else. If someone else gets a client, that’s one I don’t have.” And then you try to work harder to compete and get ahead. (Or you give up.) Fearing there isn’t enough to go around means believing in scarcity.
Let’s break down that idea – Are there enough clients to go around?
From a rational perspective, the answer is clearly “yes”. According to the Listening To Mothers III survey, 6% of people in the sample had a birth doula but 27% of them wanted one. That’s a huge gap between demand and supply. Granted not all of those people may be willing to pay a doula a sustainable fee. But the doula’s biggest market is second time parents! They are more aware of the doula’s value and will pay money not to repeat their first experience. Unfortunately they did not report on postpartum doulas in the survey, but many people have had postpartum experiences they don’t want to repeat either.
From a marketing perspective, the answer is also “yes”. By profiling and targeting your ideal client, you learn that the best person for you to work with isn’t “everybody who is pregnant”. No matter how wonderful you are, you are not everyone’s best doula. It really is a select group. When you compare your ideal client to those of other doulas, you realize that you are after different markets. Of course there will be some overlap and not all of your clients will fit the ideal profile, but many will be close to the target. I find that reassuring – we’re not all after the same person but different kinds of pregnant people.
From a personal perspective, the answer is always “yes”. People choose their doula based on who they feel safe with in their gut, not on how good your welcome packet looks. (The welcome packet opens the door and introduces you.) We have no control over that decision except to be our authentic selves.
For my nineteen years as a doula trainer, I have been preaching that it never makes sense for doulas to compete with each other, no matter what organization they trained with. There’s no economic reason to do that because the market isn’t saturated. When one doula gets a client, it generates interest in the market among other potential buyers of our services. The more people we serve, the more interest grows, and more our potential market grows. Every nine months there is a complete turnover. So our best strategy to grow the profession is to support each other while also pursuing our own individual goals. Abundance is out there. The more we work for success together, the more there will be for all of us.
Every doula I have trained understands this. There are plenty of potential clients and the more we work together to educate the public and careproviders, the more paying clients we will all get. The doula leaders in our region (past and present) also reflect this attitude, and because of it we have a more collegial and supportive atmosphere in our state than in many of the places I visit across the U.S.
When we choose scarcity, we choose fear. Fear that there won’t be enough. Fear that someone else will get the good stuff first. Fear that if someone else does well, that means we’ll do poorly. There isn’t enough cake for everyone to have a piece even if we slice it small! Our bodies end up feeling tight and tense and we worry about what we can do to get more and to get it for ourselves.
Rather than thinking “not enough”, think “there is enough”. It doesn’t cost you anything to shift from a mindset of scarcity to one of abundance, except your level of personal responsibility. With a scarcity mindset, all of your problems are “out there”. The locus of control is outside of you and thus uncontrollable. But when you believe that abundance exists, your attention becomes focused on how to tap into it. You have an internal locus of control – “what I do and how I do it influences my circumstances”.
As this process advances, you’ll become more optimistic – the best is yet to come! You’re more willing to take risks and share your self and resources with colleagues. You can learn from your competitors because you are all in this together. As your relationships with other doulas grow, you can ask for feedback and help without it feeling like a threat. Babies will continue to be conceived and people will keep recognizing that their emotional needs are not being met by current medical systems. That isn’t going to change anytime soon.
What about not having enough time?
My worst tendency towards scarcity is about time. I fear there will never be enough time to get everything done; that I won’t achieve my dreams much less what’s on my daily ‘to do’ list. “There just isn’t enough time!!” Sound familiar? I’m not competing with other people for time – its not like if I get more someone else gets less. I’m really competing with myself – and I never win.
The funny thing is that it’s not true. I do have enough time. Sometimes it takes me until Wednesday to get through Monday’s to do list, but it does get done. The small tasks and the big projects do get completed, for the most part. So what’s going on here? It’s all in my attitude. Being anxious that I don’t have enough time doesn’t get me more time, nor does it make me more creative or efficient. It just makes me jittery and unpleasant. So, what’s my alternative?
I decided to change my thought. “Time expands to meet my needs.” Whenever I begin to have the impending feeling of doom – “there will never be enough” – I realize it’s all in my head. Whatever really needs to happen will and I will have enough time to accomplish it. It’s been four months now, and I have accomplished everything I needed to do. Some things got postponed, true, but it was mostly because the time wasn’t right – and even I can’t do everything at once. In some instances my priorities changed. But what was really different was my compassion for myself and my anxieties.
Our approach to life is up to us. We choose how we want to think about life. I prefer to choose abundance.
Many thanks to Jessica English of Heart Soul Business for inspiring this post.
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